Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Resumes: how NOT to write

I am very detail-oreinted.

I have a bachelorette degree in computers.

Graduated in the top 66% of my class.

I worked as a Corporate Lesion.

Served as assistant sore manager.

 Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.

Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.

Special skills: Thyping.

Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes.

I can play well with others.

I have exhaustive experience in manufacturing.

Special skills: I’ve got a Ph.D. in human feelings.

My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had.

I eat computers for lunch.

I have used lots of software appilcations.

Objection: To utilize my skills in sales.

Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.

Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.

Previous experience: Self-employed a fiasco.
I am a pit bull when it comes to analysis.

I am the king of accounts payable reconciliation.

Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle.

I like slipping and sliding around behind the counter and controlling the temperature of the food.

Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word ‘paranoia.’ I prefer to elaborate privately.

Reason for leaving last job: Bounty hunting was outlaw in my state.

My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend
I love dancing and throwing parties.

I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute.

I am a rabid typist.

Skills: Operated Pitney Bones machine.

Special Skills: Speak English.

Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.

Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts.

Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.

Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984.

Experience with: LBM-compatible computers.

Fortunately because of stress, worked in the cardiac intensive-care ward.

Typing Speed: 756 wpm.

Objectives: 10-year goal: Total obliteration of sales and federal income taxes and tax laws.